roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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