you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
