I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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