Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
