soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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