Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
