I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's Friday. Sex?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
