you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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