I seem to have left my pride at pride
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
