Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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