he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
