That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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