So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
