woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
