Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?