I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.