I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.