I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
