i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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