Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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