Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
