I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
