Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
