nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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