Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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