so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?