i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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