No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
