How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
