You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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