just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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