i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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