Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
