My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
