i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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