I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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