i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
