it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize