it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
