So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.