i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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