if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Never let your siblings swipe right.