the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.