you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat