She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.