Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars