I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
