Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
