Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
