I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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