Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
