You made me cry and you don't even care
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Text me some of your sweat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
