I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
