he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
