he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
