the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So many bounce houses so little time
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
