Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
