The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
