youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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