I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
