Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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