Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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