Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
