I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
