I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
