The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
