I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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