oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The best revenge is premature balding
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
