Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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