@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
